The Body's Intuition

Why is it so important to develop a relationship with our bodies? Past blogs have addressed the way that a healthy body relationship improves our own self-talk, our way of listening to and asking for what we need in our lives, and how it transforms our choices and relationships. Another way that the body relationship can heal our lives? The gift of intuition.

Think about it. Most of our intuitive feelings come from our bodies. We're all familiar with the expression 'gut feeling' or the idea that 'the hair stood up on the back of my neck' whenever we get strong hunches or ideas. We might feel sick to our stomach, cloudy-headed or 'off' when something doesn't feel right. On the other hand, we might get flooded with energy, light and the feeling of 'yes' when we know we're moving toward something good.

So what happens to this profound channel of communication if we have a not-so-great relationship with our bodies--one torn by mistrust, judgment and discomfort? Well, it's harder to listen, harder to hear those signals. It's harder to trust our intuitive hunches because we get out of the habit of listening to our bodies. Along the way, we may lose one of our greatest gifts.

I'll tell you a story of how mine served me. Several years ago I had HMO health coverage that included dental services. As usual, I made my semi-annual trek to the dentist for a check-up. Strangely, my usual dentist was gone and the dental office had been taken over by a new staff.

After my check-up, the new dentist told me I had not one, but four cavities! Since I haven't had a cavity since I was eight years old, this was really upsetting. "Maybe you're eating too much sugar," the dentist suggested. She was actually eating a Snickers bar as she told me this. As I left, I saw two other clients being told by their assistants that they also had multiple cavities. Something didn't feel right.

I made the appointment to get the cavities filled and started to consider going for a second opinion. But life got hectic and I didn't have time, so the day arrived for the appointment. I showed up, was escorted to the appropriate room, and watched as the dental assistant struggled to put on the wrong size of rubber gloves. I could see the syringes with Novocaine waiting to go.

Suddenly, my legs literally wanted to run. And I don't mean the kind of fear you have when you're a kid because you just don't want a needle stuck into you. I mean the gut feeling kind of instinct that said: you need to get out of here. Now. My stomach was tight. Everything in my body screamed 'no.'

I fumbled my way out of that room as quickly as I could and made it to the front desk. Pretending I had a client emergency and that I'd have to reschedule, I told them I'd call them later. And I got out of there as quickly as I could.

Two weeks later, I went to another dentist who told me that, in fact, I had no cavities. Zero. I immediately got my dental records from the other dentist and filed a complaint with the dental board. I've never been back there again.

Think what would have happened if I hadn't been able to listen to my intuition in that scenario? I would have paid to have four holes drilled in my teeth that I didn't even need and I wouldn't even have known.

The lesson? Our bodies know. They give us all kinds of messages all the time about what's right and wrong, what feels good and bad. Some of them are far more subtle than this one, and some are loud and clear. The question is, are we listening?

Practice in the next few weeks listening to your body's intuitions. See if you can pay attention to its reactions to foods, people, situations. Trust that your body's messages often have your highest good in mind and see what your body might be trying to tell you.

If there are blocks to trusting and listening to your body, see if you can do some deep work to remove them and allow a more connected, peaceful relationship that lets the body's wisdom come through(www.bodymindguide.com). You may find yourself in a situation where such knowing truly saves you. You and your body know more than you think. It is the signals that don't just come from your head, but from your body's intuition, that can sometimes make all the difference.

The Art of the Body: Past, Present and Future

I was on a great vacation recently in Greece--home of ancient civilizations and birthplace of incredible advances in art, culture, politics. Everywhere we went there were great ruins--and often statues--that still hold the time and place out of which they were birthed.

In particular, I was struck by the evolution of the statues: from stiff and cold distant-feeling bodies with hollow eyes depicting gods--known as Korie--to the eventual depiction of bodies that were human, with greater movement, expression and emotion. Over time, as the body became better known, the statues reflected that intimacy and that skill. There was a way of making sculpture seem as though it could move. Also, there was a shift away from a sense of the divine as stiff and inaccessible to more present, expressed even within human form.

A similar shift happened even in theater. At Epidaurus, outside of Athens, the theater is huge and sweeping in its size, built entirely of rock in a huge semi-circle above and surrounding the flat and open stage level below. Theater at Epidaurus was actually seen as a way that the gods could speak to patients who came to this special place seeking healing.

Initially, the human drama at Epidaurus was placed only in the sidelines, while the characters depicting gods spoke their wisdom about what was happening from the center of the stage. Eventually, however--especially as the Romans took over--the 'chorus' of gods was moved to the sidelines and the human action itself took center stage. Special effects were developed; theater was meant--as the sculpture--to more accurately depict and express itself through human life itself.

Of course this has been true more and more over time of our television and film. Even now we can look back at older film and television and find them outdated, too staged or 'unrealistic.' In fact, we've even taken things a step further: we've created 'reality television,' where the actual present reality of our experience itself is made into entertainment. More and more, art has moved from something removed from us to something quite familiar, something more and more about us and our lives. We've also gone from seeing our own bodies as something stiff and removed to something worthy of action, drama: of taking center stage.

It's interesting to consider what the next stage of our evolution in this relationship will be. To me, it seems that we know the form of our bodies very well: we've studied them, we depict them accurately, we watch them. But of course the next step is to actually attend to them, to listen to them, to begin to have a relationship with them. We can know and understand a thing from the outside for so long; then a deeper knowing begins to be necessary for evolution.

I wonder what might unfold in the future as we get to know our bodies and express that knowing more fully. I can imagine a world where we share the wisdom they have to teach us, where we talk with our doctors and healers about what we believe our bodies are saying through their symptoms and discomforts. It's also time for us to take a more artful look inside the world of our own skin to examine the nuances it wants to share, not just from the outside in but from the inside out.

What will be required to study this new art and way of being with the body? To do so, I think we have to begin to develop a repertoire, a familiarity with all the nuances and sensations within the body and the kind of information and feelings it contains. How do you know when you are hungry? Tired? When your energy feels slightly off? We are just beginning to learn this art and this language, one that--like any of the arts, like sculpture and film--will take time and attention to hone, cultivate and truly begin to master.

Ask yourself what steps you might take today to begin to know your body more intimately and thoughtfully. If you studied the art of your body, like any art, what would you learn from it? What kinds of things would it tell you? How would it teach you? How can you listen?

Think of yourself as out on a fieldtrip, or carrying a brush and some paints. Be willing to learn and let this art move through you. See how it informs your life to let your body and its language become more central, to let your body be more than a sculpture or a form and more like a living, breathing thing. What legacy of knowing, of body wisdom, would you most like to leave behind?

What Our Bodies Ask of US

When we start to think about our body as something we're in a relationship with all the time, we have to consider a number of questions: are we listening to it? Are we taking the time to connect, do things we enjoy? Do we have a sense of peace and friendship or do we feel disgruntled and judgmental? As we reconnect from a place of greater meaning, respect and love, new information comes forward.

Because our lives so rarely give us the chance to listen to our bodies, things can change radically when we do. Instead of objects to be controlled, our bodies become living, breathing partners in the birthing of our best lives. The old ways of being that may have allowed you to trip through your life unconsciously no longer work in quite the same way. Your body may give you signs now--that you're finally able to hear--when it feels pushed, ignored or in need of rest. As you learn to love, forgive and reunite with your own body, you may find yourself wanting more of those qualities in your own life.

James, for example, is an account executive who worked with me because of a continued issue with stress eating. He hated himself and his body for latenight trips to the refrigerator, but--especially because his work day often went until after 9pm--he didn't know how to stop. Eating was one form of pleasure and escape he was afraid to deprive himself of, even if the pattern felt abusive and unhealthy.

As James started to see his body as something he was in relationship with, an interesting thing happened. He no longer wanted to treat it the way he had. Rather than continuing the cycle of unhappiness and overeating by judging or being disgusted by his overweight body, he now saw how helpless his body had been to his own frustrations and feelings: feelings he was stuffing down repeatedly with food. As James learned to decode his body's stress responses, he could see them as messages rather than invasive or threatening distractions from his productivity. Anxiety or a tight feeling in his stomach, when attended to, meant that James slowed down, took a deep breath and got up from his desk or took a walk.

Reconnecting to his body was also reconnecting James to his life. When he learned to listen compassionately to the signals his body was sending him without eating to cover them up, he realized that he was deeply unhappy with his job and the control it had over his life. Not only did James no longer want to ignore his body, he no longer wanted to ignore himself and the feelings of dissatisfaction he'd had for a long, long time.

Within two months of our work together, James reevaluated his job situation and decided it was no longer for him. From an empowered place, James affirmed that he could find a situation that was less abusive, and that allowed him to be loved and respected the way he was now able to love, respect and listen to his own body. Within moments of his decision, James already had colleagues and friends surrounding him with support and resources to find a position that would honor him and not require him to hide who he is or what he really wants.

An interesting thing happens when we commit to right relationship with our bodies. Our bodies begin to ask of us what we have may have stopped asking of ourselves: to listen, to live without ignoring, to move forward in ways that honor us and take care of us. When we make a reconnection to this most intimate relationship, our bodies may also ask us to consider how that greater sense of self could translate into other aspects of our lives. It may mean that you need to change a job, shift a relationship or give up a bad habit that no longer serves you.

Our bodies don't lie. They have been holding truth for us for as long as we and they have known it. When we begin to listen, we step into what we really want in our lives rather than what we have tried to convince ourselves is enough. This transformation can happen in a moment and it can also move into every aspect of our lives. What our bodies ask of us is what we really most want for ourselves: a life lived fully and respectfully in the moment, with integrity and commitment to our greatest truth and our best selves.

The Healing Power of the Body Relationship

The more I work with people to help them reconnect to their bodies--through illness, weight gain or even just a feeling of disconnection or discomfort--the more I realize how much our bodies are mirrors of every relationship we've had. As we heal our relationship with our bodies, we heal our old relationship patterns or the ways we've been treated in the past. Our facing and healing the disconnects in how we see and experience our bodies also helps us face and heal our lives.

Janice was a thirty year old stroke survivor who had lost movement in part of her body as a result of the stroke. The disability had only magnified a feeling she'd had earlier in her life of feeling left out or like she wasn't enough. When she began to reconnect with her body and treat it with love and respect--rather than judgment and disappointment--an amazing thing began to happen. She realized that she was giving herself--through her body--what she had always wanted. By taking on the process of reconnecting with her body she was also saying that she belonged, that she was okay the way she was, and that she was willing to show up rather than abandon herself. The effects went far beyond healing the relationship with her body and out into every aspect of her life.

The same was true for Michael, a young man with an eating disorder who had been molested as a child by a priest. His early feelings of being shamed and silenced had extended into his body relationship and made it difficult for him--early in our work--to listen to or honor his body and its needs or feelings. Just like he had been shamed and silenced as a child around his abuse, he was now unconsciously abusing himself by blocking out and not listening to his own body.

As Michael moved through the process of repairing his body relationship, he allowed needs and feelings to emerge, finally hearing when his body felt tired, sad or hungry. As he became a better parent to his own body and learned to care for it, he was also better able to draw boundaries and voice needs with others in his life--and to feel safe again in his life knowing he could do this not only for his body but for himself in other relationships in his life.

Our relationships to our bodies are--if you think about it--our most intimate and longest-lasting relationships. We are in them from the moment we are born and until the day we die. Our bodies hold years and years of accumulated and shared feelings and all of our history. They can teach us and connect to us or we can--like an old married couple--grow distant and shut them out. As we heal and recreate our relationship with our bodies, we are often redoing old patterns that no longer serve us, and stepping into new paradigms of relating that we have always wanted.

Reflect for a moment on how you think about and treat your body in this moment. Are there any parallels to your earlier history or to how you have been treated by others in the past? What would it take to step into a new way of being in your life, one that allows you to respond to your body in the way you most wanted to be responded to and loved? Try on being in this relationship in a new and different way and notice what happens. By redoing your body relationship you may have the opportunity to redo your whole life.

For more information about this work or to schedule an initial consultation, visit the website at http://www.annastookey.com or http://www.bodymindguide.com and sign up for a free report and teleclasses on the Body Reunion Solution. I welcome your thoughts and inquiries...

Do You 'Have a Dream'?

I was driving home Sunday night with the radio on and excerpts of of Martin Luther King's 'I Have a Dream' speech came over the airwaves. Though I thought I knew the speech well, I heard it with different ears this time. It was amazing to me how clear and emphatic he was about something that must have seemed impossible at the time: that black and white children should be able to play together, that men should be judged by their character and not by the color of their skin. He spoke with such conviction, it was as if he was experiencing his dream as already true, as needing to be true. In his mind and heart this was the only way it should be.

I wonder how many of the greatest achievements in life start with this clarity of conviction, with the ability to put our minds in the place of already having accomplished the goal, seeing it done, and living in that new reality. Rosa Parks sat on that bus without asking whether or not she should be allowed to. All over the world, people fighting for new ways of being have had to step into them before they were given permission to do so. Slowly, over time, the walls came down.

What is your dream for how you'll feel in and toward your body in the coming months and years? What would you like to be different than it is now? As we enter a new year, take some time to write out for yourself what you'd like to be different about how you relate to and feel in your body. Would you like to be more connected? To trust it more? To be able to listen and have compassion for what it needs?

We can't get to the future we most want by continuing to believe in the reality we feel stuck in now. Give yourself a handhold into something new. What will it feel like when you feel great in your body? How will you be seeing and experiencing the world differently? What will be different about your breathing, your movement, what it feels like to look in the mirror or walk down the street? Let that dream permeate you until it feels as real as possible, as if it's already here. Let yourself not only have the dream but live it as if it were true.

This is what Martin Luther King did for all of us, and it's what we need to learn to do for ourselves whenever we step into something new, something that we deeply want but can't yet see. Take a moment to make a list of the qualities--the pieces of your 'dream'--you'd like to bring to your body relationship this year: hope, trust, kindness, cooperation, love. Then feel in your body what it's like to let each of those qualities be a part of how you relate to your body now. What does trust feel like or look like? Being loving or gentle? No great dream exists in the abstract. We need to will it into being now.

Surely there are obstacles to any dream we have--things to overcome, to negotiate, to fight for. But sitting in the car hearing Martin Luther King's voice, I was also amazed at how many of his dreams have come true. Speak and write the dreams you have for the body relationship you most want. Feel how your body responds. Stay committed to that vision. Notice how you can keep it present for yourself, even when times get tough and part of you could slip into criticism or being at war with yourself. Remember how it feels in your body to be connected, alive and loving.

You can do this. You have a dream. That means much more than you think.

'Tis The Season To Be Jolly?

What is it about the holidays? Parties, shopping, family--and a heightened expectation that we all be filled with good holiday cheer--can lead to an intense array of feelings and reactions. More often than not, the pressure to be on our best holiday behavior can actually bring out the worst and not the best in us.

In an interview I did recently for a radio show on caregiving during the holidays, the host and I wondered why it is that holidays are such a hard time for taking care of ourselves. Many times we put our healthy routines and habits on hold to be with our families, complete holiday tasks and socialize. But along the way our bodies and our sense of self can deteriorate.

There seems to be a direct connection in my experience between the abandonment of self-care, the putting on of a 'happy face' and the ability to overindulge, feel bad about ourselves and disconnect from our bodies. The more we give ourselves away, the easier it is to abandon our bodies and our health. Almost as a way of compensating, we grab for the 'treats' that may make us feel worse in the end--alcohol, sugar, chocolate--without really listening to what we need. Since these treats may be the only form of (albeit false) self-care we get, we cling to them even more during the holidays than we might at other times.

So what keeps us connected during the holidays to our health and ourselves? This year, as you move into the holiday frenzy and toward food, family and friends, pay attention to the way you interact with your body and see if there's a way to stay connected. Notice if there's a way to fit in a moment for yourself amid the hustle--one that allows you to take a few deep breaths and pay attention to how your body is doing, what it might actually want or need. Use your body relationship as a way of actually checking in with yourself: are you tired? Sad? In need of some time to yourself? Your body often holds a host of messages that are available to you as soon as you check in.

Our bodies don't lie. As we listen, they require us to be authentic about our feelings and our needs. And as with any relationship, our bodies prefer connection over disconnection, even in small doses. Checking in at all--even in a moment--to your body's needs begins to rebuild trust in the relationship.

It also helps when we stay honest: if you do find yourself overindulging, see if you can stay connected to your body and apologize rather than feeling guilty, shutting down and (probably) perpetuating the cycle. Ask your body what it needs, and recommit to doing the best you can to listen. Reconnecting to your body and what it needs slows things down and takes you out of concepts of whether you've done something 'right' or 'wrong.' Stay light about your humanness and your ability to make mistakes. Allow yourself to be exactly where you are, doing the best you can.

Maybe this is what's so hard about the holidays. For many of us, our identities are shifting to take in old family relationships, traditions and expectations of meaning and kindness. It gets harder to stay in touch with our authentic selves rather than a put-on a--sometimes fake-- holiday face. And yet if we're not fully present to our experiences, something is lost--we can feel ourselves going through the motions. The same is true of our bodies--and there's no truer proof of this than the extra five or ten pounds so commonly associated with the holidays.

If you can't yet be totally authentic with the family, see if there's a way to be authentic with your body. Listen to its messages and see what it might be like to respond. Even if things can't look the way they usually do with your regular routines of diet and exercise, see if you can do little things that keep you connected: breathing, listening, even stretching or going for a walk. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to show up. Take the pressure off you and your body and let yourselves be exactly as you are, showing up with whatever you truly need. The fa la la la la can wait.

JOIN US FOR A FREE HOLIDAY TELECLASS: SATURDAY, DECEMBER 19TH at 9:30amPST.
Over the Streudel and Through the Nog:
The Body Reunion Solution to Avoiding Holiday Overeating

Tune in before you go off to do your holiday shopping!

We'll explore how to:
*Steer Clear of Negative Holiday Eating Habits
*Avoid the Guilt of Overdoing It
*Develop a Better Relationship to Your Body Through the Holidays
*Gain Tools to Make Healthier Choices, Now and Into the New Year

This one-hour class is ideal for anyone struggling with their body and food, compulsive overeating or exercise or a feeling of discomfort with how they look and feel in their bodies.

CALL-IN NUMBER: (218) 339 2500
Access Code: 594697#

There will be a chance to ask questions and participate as much or as little as you want!
I wish you all a Happy and Healthy Holiday...

All my best,
Anna

The Gratitude Attitude

We all know how easy it is to take our bodies for granted--atleast until they let us down. Then we're sure to let them know, whether conscious of it or not, how frustrated, disappointed or disgusted we are. We can't get well fast enough, lose weight fast enough or get in shape fast enough. We're tough critics of our own bodies most of the time.

A woman I worked with recently who was diagnosed with cancer admitted that before cancer she pretty much just told her body what to do and assumed it would listen. Like her, most of us make our bodies our servants, meaning that they pretty much have to do what we want and don't get a lot of praise for it. How do you think they feel?

Because we demand so much of our lives, asking that we constantly do and be more, it's easy to neglect and become a task master to our bodies just as we are with ourselves. But we need to ask ourselves how it feels when someone else does that to us. A client of mine who works long days for a reputable company said recently that if no one acknowledged him for what he did, "I'd just say, 'screw this!'" The acknowledgement is what keeps him going. And yet how many of us do that to our bodies? We ask and ask and ask of them without pausing to thank or to give back.

With Thanksgiving just a day away, I'm thinking about the effect of gratitude and appreciation on the relationships I have in my life. Many of my friends have reached out this year to say how grateful they are to have me in their lives, and I have been so moved by this that I too am reaching out to tell those I care about the same. The effect--on both sides of gratitude--is uplifting. As both the recipient and the giver of gratitude, I feel lighter, energized and more alive. I wonder if our bodies, when we pause to appreciate them and acknowledge all they do for us, might also feel the same?

Consider the work of Dr. Masaru Emoto, featured in the recent movie, 'What the Bleep Do We Know?' If you saw the movie, you might remember the remarkable effect that certain words like 'thank-you' and 'I love you' seemed to have. In his research on the effect of words and thoughts, Dr. Emoto found that frozen water contained very different kinds of crystals depending on what thoughts were directed toward it: "Water from clear springs and water that has been exposed to loving words shows brilliant, complex, and colorful snowflake patterns. In contrast, polluted water, or water exposed to negative thoughts, forms incomplete, asymmetrical patterns with dull colors." (http://www.whatthebleep.com/crystals/)

If our bodies are more than 60% water, it becomes even more urgent to consider what effect loving thoughts of gratitude have on our physical selves, vs. thoughts of fear, loathing or frustration. We owe it to ourselves and our bodies to remember and communicate all that we appreciate. Our bodies won't leave us until we die, but--as with any partner that feels unseen or unappreciated--they can become distant and resentful. Over time, their resistance may manifest as disease, discomfort, or perhaps--if you take seriously this research on water crystals--a deep and essential disorder.

Whatever we ask of our bodies, we ultimately ask of ourselves. The tireless and relentless criticism and pushing harm both of us. Ask yourself what it would take to shift to an attitude of gratitude--today, tomorrow, or any day--rather than constantly asking more of yourself with no return. What would it take to acknowledge all your body does for you and to express your gratitude toward it on this day of almost-Thanksgiving? As you think about doing that, how does the energy in your body shift, change and open? How do you feel different?

You just might find as you make this shift that the pieces seem to fall together, that you already feel the energy and lightness of having received what you wanted all along. An attitude of gratitude not only acknowledges what we have, but it makes us more open to everything that's possible around us. What if all you have asked of yourself you already have: a table full of blessings laid out before you, ready to be tasted?